Full TIme Housewife

Alhamdulillah, my unpaid leave of two years had been approved by my superiors. So, lepas ni, jadi la full time housewife, jaga anak2, masak, etc, ala-ala domestic goddess gitu.. ;)

Monetarily, banyak jugak loss yang aku kena suffer for the next 710 days.. tapi takpelah, family punya pasal. Duit boleh cari kan? Lagipun, dengan pelbagai kes baby tercekik susu yang makin berleluasa lately ni, risau nak hantar baby to any nurseries/babysitters, unless of course it's my own mother. Tapi susahla pulakkan, 60km nak hantar kalau mama jaga. Huhu. Therefore, bersyukur2 sangat2 sebab we can still afford for me not to work and take care of the kids. I hope i can make the best out of the two years. Kalau nasib baik, dapat pulak sambung belajar bergaji penuh.. Sambung lagi cuti, tapidengan gaji.. hehe.. kalau nasib baik la..

The baby is doing well. Berat dia, tak tau for sure since we don't have a proper weighing scale for babies. Tapi kalau ikut digital scale yang sedia ada ni, dalam 4.5kg berat dia. Masa 7 weeks haritu berat dia 3.9kg. So it's going up, although it's definitely not in the 50th percentile. He's fully breastfeeding, with the occasional supplements of soy based formula. Kadang2 je, when we're out and about and we're pressed for time.

Apparently, he can be calm in his car seat while being driven around, provided that he's not sleepy and hungry. Otherwise, i'd have to feed him and ensure that he sleeps before buckling him up and drive around. Alhamdulillah, so far he's been quietly sleeping while i'm driving (baru dua kali je punnn... huhu..) Mak dia dah jarang drive because she's so paranoid that her son's going to wail all the way while she's driving. I've forgotten about how I handled that situation during Sarah's time.

He is also falling into a routine. Malam he sleeps around 9, all the way to about 4 am. He feeds, wakes up at around 6 (because he will be interrupted coz mommy have to wake his kakak up for school). He'll stay awake until around 7+, when kakak goes to school, and then he'll sleep, wake up again around 9. After his bath which he thoroughly enjoys, he'll sleep again til noon, giving me enough time to cook lunch. He'll be awake for a while before going back for nap at around 1+ (while still attached to the B, of course).. and will sleep until around 4 for a snack, and continue on til about 6. Then we'll get ready for the night... he'll stay awake for a while before nursing as long as possible before turning in for the night. Alhamdulillah, his nap patterns takdela erratic macam dulu. Huhu.. Cuma, his mommy is still nervous nak bawak dia keluar, risau dia nangis2 in public. I guess i still have some inhibitions about breastfeeding in public. Isk.. tah hape2 mummy dia kan?

Walaupun demikian, we still take him out on a weekly basis, at least for grocery shopping. Initially, dia tak tidur kalau keluar..but recently, dah boleh jugakla nak tidur, although tak la lena macam tidur kat rumah.. Although sometimes i wish that i can use my ring sling more effectively. Tak berani nak pakai lagi bila keluar rumah. Belum cukup confident. :p

*Yawn* Oklah.. dah lewat. Got an early day tmrw. Taking sarah for horse riding, and Seth will come along too, InsyaAllah. Lama dah tak bawak Sarah naik kuda. :)

End of Confinement

Alhamdulillah, it's been past 44 days of confinement. Both mommy and baby are healthy and doing quite well, although baby didn't gain significant weight, he's still gaining weight. Mommy lost the water weight and baby weight, but still very much overweight. :p

Anyways, mama went back home today, so now i'm on my own to care for the little baby, the preschooler and the husband. Thank God i have a maid to help me out this time around. I didn't have a domestic helper back then with my firstborn. Did everything myself, hand-washing baby's clothes, ironing hubby's uniform, cook, etc. How the hell did i do all that then? and how come i'm so bloody freaked out now with my second baby as soon as mama walked out the door?? I was in tears when mama left.. Sigh!

My confinement had been pretty much stress free, except for several occasions, way different from last time. However, i can sense that all the stresses are coming now, with baby's weight gain, his schedule which are not quite clear yet, the big sister's schooling, homework, piano... It's all too overwhelming! Haih... *Deep breaths*

Anyways, back to breastfeeding, just to remind myself, should i get myself into this again. The breastfeeding consultant asked me to do these in my plight to ensuring my baby's weight gain:

1. I need to eat 6 times a day - 3 main meals and 3 snacks. She suggested one hot drink (horlicks/milo/etc.) around 6, a breakfast at 9, lunch at 1, high calorie tea at 4, dinner at 7 and another hot drink before turning in.

2. I need to massage my Bs to stimulate them and increase the fat content of my milk.

3. I've to ensure that baby drinks milk and not fall asleep while feeding for at least 30 minutes to ensure that baby gets the hindmilk.

4. I've to make sure that i feed baby every 2 to 3 hours and wake baby up if he's asleep.

I followed most of her recommendations, just missing numbers 3 and 4 a couple of times, and i do feel some difference in my Bs.. it feels much fuller now than before. I'm going back to the paed this Tuesday and i hope baby gains well..

Hoping and praying that everything goes well. May Allah help me. Amin!~

... and baby makes 4: Part 2 - Breastfeeding

As natural as breastfeeding may seem, nobody will tell you that it's gonna be easy. Some lucky few will experience smooth sailing experience right from the first latch, while most of us will go through some bumps along the way.

I had always thought that the second time around would be a whole lot easier. Heh. Better luck next time (for me) in the breastfeeding department. I thought sore nipples and latching problems only occurs for first timers. Was i wrong! The second time around, i was as eager to breastfeed my baby in the delivery room as i did the first time. This baby, just like my firstborn, is reluctant to open his mouth wide enough to allow ample portion of the areola into his mouth. As a result of that (and me being impatient to wait until he opens wider), i got an episode of sore nipples that lasted for the first two weeks. Things got harder when he didn't sleep much, which made everyone tell me that he didn't have enough to eat, which of course made me panicky about my milk supply. I succumbed to the pressure and gave my baby some supplement in the form of glucose water on occasions. Regrets? Hell yeah! But then again, thinking about the sleepless nights, soreness and fatigue, the decision probably helped the situation a little (or so i would like to think).. so, redha je la...

I started having my makcik urut coming to give me post natal care somewhere around the 6th day post delivery. She advised that maybe i should give the baby a little portion of formula milk once at night. Out of exhaustion, i ditched the glucose water and gave my baby 2oz of formula milk at night, at the end of one of the night-time breastfeeding sessions.

My biggest fear is to not have enough milk to nourish my baby. My fear was realized when my son's pead wasn't very happy about his minimal weight gain past the one-month mark. He only gained about 400 g, when most breastfed babies can gain until about 1kg! He advised that i should supplement the feeding sessions with expressed breast milk, and come in again for assessment in two weeks. :(

I had been expressing milk since before my makcik urut comes.. but of course, i couldn't collect much. And, the few that i collected, were used during my massage sessions, which i had booked for 15 days (i have 2 more days to go). So, apparently, i don't have enough EBM to supplement after each feeding session.

I tried to breastfeed on demand (as i always did anyway), and one feeding session sometimes lasts forever, ending with baby sleeping in my arms. He will wake up soon after we put him on the mattress, which results in me not having the chance to increase my pumping sessions, and skip my snacks.

Anyways, i set a personal target that he should weigh 4.5 kg at the 2-week appointment (increment of 800g from previous visit), so my 1 week goal is for my baby to gain at least 400g. I promised myself that i didn't meet that goal, i was gonna increase si formula milk supplement to twice daily - once during the day, and once at night. I went to the hospital again for my postpartum check today, and took the opportunity to weigh my baby. Sadly, he only gained 200g from his previous weight, a far cry from what i had targeted.

Since i wasn't on track with the baby's weight, i went to see the lactation consultant.. well, she's not really a consultant i think, just assistant, trained one la. So after a good chat and assessing my diet and my latch, she advised that i have to ensure that the baby remains AWAKE and feeding for at least 30 - 45 minutes and to not allow him to sleep in that period, and to ensure that i feed him every 2 hours. I also have to eat 5 to 6 times a day.

I did some calculations, so i'm gonna have 2 hour nursing schedule during the day and 3 hours at night. Which means that it's time for me to wake my little munchkin. Sigh.. he's sleeping so peacefully.. kesian pulak nak gerak.. But i guess, it's for his own good.

Do wish me luck on my breastfeeding journey this time around. Harap dapat exclusive breastfeed sampai he's 2 years old. Amin!~

(Edit ) Note : I've decided to make the baby post into several entries, to share about my experiences, as well as to remind myself of these beautiful (and sometimes trying) moments of birth and brastfeeding and all things related..

... and baby makes four! Part 1 - The Birth..

Alhamdulillah, our little bundle of joy has arrived! The littlest addition arrived on Jan 25th, at 11.39 pm (It was my due date, FYI). It was a very long labour.. but well worth each and every minute.

Compared dengan yang first born haritu, this labour experience had been more difficult. It started with my water breaking at around 2.45 am on the 25th Jan. I didn't experience water gushing down, in fact it wasn't much at all, just wet my undies a little. Didn't even wet the bed. I woke up surprised, smelled my undies to be sure that it wasn't pee (sorry.. TMI.. heh.. By the way, amniotic fluid smelled sweet!) and when i succeeded in convincing myself that it wasn't pee, i woke hubby up, we went blur for a while, got MIL and FIL to come and wait at home for Sarah, and left for the hospital. Upon arriving, an internal was done to check how far along i was, and i was only 1cm dilated then. That was around 3.30 am or so.

Obviously, i couldn't sleep that night.

Around 8 something (a.m.), my obgyn came to check on me. Still around 1 - 2 cm dilated. Obgyn said that since my water had broken, i would have to deliver within 24 hours so as to not risk infection. He said to wait until around noon to see if things progresses, otherwise he will start me on pitocin drip. And that was just what happened. I was given 5 units of pitocin around noon, but not so much progress. By evening, another obgyn checkup, i was only about 3 - 4 cm dilated. By that time, i was getting exhausted of waiting. I couldn't sleep, nothing feels right.. macam ayam berak kapur. :p Obgyn increased my pitocin drip to 10 units and said that he could still feel the membranes, meaning that my water bag didn't entirely break, ergo the lengthy first-phase of labour. So he broke my water bag and said that insyaAllah, i'll deliver by midnight.

From 4 cm to full dilation, makin resah gelisah. When i was about 7 cm dilated (not sure what time it was, i know it was night time..) i asked for the entonox. I swear the mask didn't work properly. Laughing gas tu macam tak ada je. Takde effect langsung! Last pregnancy, i could feel that the gas made me high. Yang ni memang tak ada langsung. Hampeh! Anyways.. tak tau la memang sebab penat, ataupun dah lama sangat menunggu and tak cukup tidur, i was really tired and i felt that the contractions really, really hurt. Mungkin gak sebab umur dah bertambah kot, so ketahanan towards pain dah kurang. Huhu..

Around 11 pm, i was fully dilated. Nurses kat situ called the Dr when i was 8 cm dilated which was a bot a couple of minutes earlier. So i had to wait for about 4 to 5 cycles of "bearing down" moments before the Dr finally arrived and i can finally deliver my baby. Masa tu memang dah penat sangat. Takut sangat tak larat nak push and terpaksa surgery. Tapi, Alhamdulillah, Allah beri kekuatan, push pun tak lama, baby keluar.

Bezanya, masa first pregnancy, i felt that i was more in control. I could still control my breathing through my contractions, even masa deliver pun tak ada la macam tak tentu arah. Kali kedua ni, breathing memang ke laut, masa deliver pun tak boleh nak control.. memang tak tentu arah sangat2! Apapun, amat2 bersyukur, deliver tetap mudah, banding dengan orang lain yang kena vacuum etc, kan?

Jadi, sekarang baby dah 21 hari.. dan dia sudah bangun. Gotta go change his diaper now. Til next time!

Ermm.. Nope.. Still Not there..

Going into Week 39 now. One more week to due date. Still nothing yet. Just minor pre-labour symptoms: lower back ache, pelvic pressure, Braxton Hicks.. things like that.

Last check-up, again, obgyn reiterated that my baby has dropped (as in into the pelvic area). My weight has dropped too, he said common for mothers near labour in which the amniotic fluid would have lessened. He also did and internal on me, and said that although my uterus is already soft, it has yet to dilate. So, probably gonna take another week (or less) or so.

Personally, i think this baby will either come out on his due date or slightly later, but within 42 weeks. Hehe.. your guess is as good as mine. :p

Having said that, hubby dearest will have to go back to work next week. Luckily he's rostered to do only 2 flights, and both will be day flights. Alhamdulillah. He'll be around at night, and i sure hope that he'll be around when i'm in labour. Apapun, whatever that happens is for the best for all of us, kan?

Oklah.. I have another week of leave ahead of me. :)

Before i end the post, kepada sahabatku Nura yang jauh di perantauan, Happy Birthday dear friend! Semoga dipermudahkan urusan, dan diredhai Allah selalu. :)

Almost there.. almost!!

Week 38. Half of me wants to deliver a.s.a.p... another half says it can wait 3 more weeks... Hehe.. Gabra la tuh. The feeling is just like the one you have before jumping down the wall during any repelling session. No matter how many times you've done it, you still get the shivers as you look all the way down... before you finally make the move.

Last week's checkup, my obgyn said that the baby has dropped further down. I asked if i'll see past my initial due date (23rd of this month). He said unlikely. He gave an mc for today and tomorrow, as he said i shouldn't be driving anymore. I went to the office last week to settle some things and to apply for leave as well, just in case i don't deliver by tomorrow. Am hoping to deliver on Wednesday though, for some reason. So far, no big signs yet.. kot? I do feel that my baby has dropped, since kurang sikit rasa breathlessness, and increased frequency in toilet visits, i feel pressure on th pelvic area, some aches on my lower back (sometimes), cramping (also sometimes), and some sort of crampiness (macam lepas workout punya muscle ache) down my thighs. Nights had been sleepless the last couple of days, nesting instinct ada, tapi tak larat nak buat, so i sleep most of the time (or cook). So.. the big question is.. am i in labour????? Hmmm.. i guess i have the early signs... but as long as i don't get any persistent contractions, i guess home is where i'll be.. :p

Susah gak nak compare dengan last pregnancy since i didn't go through ANY labour signs... sampai la week 42 when i had to be induced. Takde la mucous plug or anything.. just contractions...

I've been walking quite a lot, and turun-naik tangga as well. Hope it speed things up a little.. Sigh! Apapun, bay will come out when it's time for baby to come out, kan? So mommy... just hang in there! Baby will be in your arms soon enough! :D

Sarah's First Day @ New Kindy

Yesterday was Sarah's first day at new kindy. Well, it's the same school, tapi different branch. This year, we enrolled her into the Mandarin medium, so new teachers, new class mates and new school environment. I truly hope that it will be a change for the better for her.

On the last day of 2011, the school held an orientation session for new parents sending their kids there. All three (plus one) of us went. It seems like this school is better managed, in which all rules and regulations are spelled out clearly to all parents that were present, and the school had given an advanced notice of when it will be on holiday. for the first term. Wayyy better than the previous school that usually gives us parents short notice. Kelam kabut nak ambil cuti.

Anyways, yesterday, we sent her to the new school. Had breakfast at home and arrived at school at about 7.40 am. School starts at 8.30 am, so we lingered about the school for a while. As her class was on the first floor, we went down to the lobby while waiting (as there were benches for us to sit on).

I've to say that i'm very proud of how she carried herself on the first day of school at the new place. Upon entering the classroom, she greeted the teachers (each class has one class teacher and one teacher helper) and politely asked where she should put her school bag. :)

Aroun 8.00 am, hubby went up to check on her. There were a few other students around, one had his parents around in the class, and two others were talking to the teachers. My daughter sat there on her own, enjoying the Oreo cookies that i had packed for her (although we had had breakfast at home.. I guess she was just bored). Well, at least she's independent enough to entertain herself while waiting for class to start, right?

Around 8.25am, hubby went to check on her again. This time around, hubby called up to her. You know what she asked hubby? Dia kata, "Daddy, why are you still here?" Hehehe.. Hubby told her that he just wanted to check on her and makes sure that she's ok. When asked if she's ok, she gave hubby a confused look and said "I'm ok." Hmmm.. kitorang pulak yang macam sedih. Uhuhu.. Our dear little baby girl have grown up!!!

Entahla, aku harap, what i and my husband had tried to impart to her in terms of knowledge, manners etc is doing her good. Although, just last few days i was so stressed out when someone was giving out comments like i wasn't doing a good enough job at raising my kid.

Unfortunately, this person is part of the family. She's always pushing me to do this and that for my daughter. I mean, maybe she means well, but she needn't be so pushy and say things as if I'm not trying my best to give the best that i possibly can for my daughter. She needs to understand that what i want for my daughter may not be similar to what she had wanted for hers, and not all the things that her daughter likes is equally enjoyable to my daughter. Yes, my daughter will like something that her daughter does because she adores her and looks up to her like her big sister, but that's what kids do. It doesn't mean that my daughter is that interested. Ikut-ikut je.

Anyways, bukannya aku sombong dan tak nak terima pendapat orang. I feel that yes, while you have a right to say what you want to say, i also have a right whether or not to listen. Setiap anak tu ada rezeki mereka masing2. I believe in that. So stop telling me that everything that you've done for your kid is the best and i should follow suit. We don't even share the same family values.

There.. had been keeping it under the lid for some time now. Good to have poured it all out. :)