Anxiety and Disappointments.

Hmmm... life's challenges. Sometimes when it comes, it comes pouring down on you, doesn't it?

Being a mom is really wonderful. However there are times when you question yourself and your actions. Sometimes you even question if you're worthy of being a mom.. well.. maybe you don't.. but i know i do. *Sigh*

It had been two weeks now since i sent my lil boy to daycare. Not fully two weeks. Nine days to be exact. And for all those nine days, he cried and cried and cried some more. Sometimes it could be a tearless cry, but then, who knows? He comes back with a cracked voice, from calling out for mommy & daddy the whole day and this week, he even cried getting into the car in the morning to go to school. As a mother, my heart breaks looking at him being so unhappy like that. As much as i try to keep a straight face and a "dry heart" (read:hati kering), it hurts me so deeply that i question our decision to start sending him to daycare. And this weekend it's even worse because he's clinging on to me all the time and refuses to sleep/nap and cries a whole lot.

We need him to go to daycare. He needs to learn to socialise with other children and the teachers. But does he? At what expense? I can't help but to worry if this move (starting daycare) is going to scar him for life! 

We also need him to start daycare because i'm going back to work soon. That kept me thinking too that maybe all of this wouldn't have happened if i didn't take a 2-year leave. If i had just sent him to daycare when he was a baby, the transition might have been easier, like his sister. Then, as i scroll down some of the posts on Facebook, i question if i should be working in the first place. I'm basically working for myself. For back-up, should anything happen to hubby. We could still afford to get by if i don't work. Sometimes i ask myself if i'm being selfish to work instead of being a full-time mom which is supposed to be my responsibility? *Sighs again*

Comes to a point where i really don't know what to do. I leave it to the Almighty as He is the only one who knows what's best for me and my family. For now, i'll just sleep and cry it off, as and when the need arises.

Of Daycare, Weaning, School and such....

Happy 2014! :)

Countdown to back-to-office: about 90 days or so.

With that in mind, i've already started to send the little one (who's turning 2 end of this month) to a pre-nursery program. Where? Why.. where we sent the kaiak last time, of course. Yeah.. we liked it better before, but i guess since they have replaced the principal of the kindy, we're more comfortable sending the lil boy there, plus the timing and location is convenient for pick-ups.

He has also weaned from bf-ing during the day. I used kunyit this time around. I can't really remember how i did it last time with the kakak, but i think kunyit helped at that time too. He's getting the hang of it, although sometimes he asks for it, with a cheeky look upon his face, like trying his luck kinda thing. Heh. Good luck trying! But malam, i still allow him his fix, considering that he has the right to until he's 2 years. Will need to start to think of ways to get him to stop completely soon.. and then hubby and i can claim our bed back from that lil guy! We used the "big girls sleep in their own bed" trick with his sister. Dunno if it'll work on him.

The big kakak... Talkative as always. Siapa la dia ikut pun tak tau. Takde pulak makan tongkeng ayam like ever! Isk... Today she was telling me that her teacher told the class about Florence Nightingale... Bla..bla..bla.. tiba2 end of the story, i want a pet rabbit?? Kaitan??? Dia kata, cikgu kata Florence Nightingale used to take care of her pets and the family helper when she was sick... Baik punya mukadimah to ask for a pet. Cheh! :p

Been dropping by to the old office after sending the kids to school these couple days. Had some catching up with friends. Frustrated just listening to their stories about not-so-smart people up there. Promoting people for reasons other than their capabilities is just a recipe for disaster. Ramai orang yang tak bersalah, yang pulun kerja kuat untuk rezeki halal jade mangsa, when orang yang dinaikkan pangkat tak reti bust kerja and just dump everything to others. Dah ada pangkat, cari lagi jalan macam mana nak up lagi pangkat. Kerja la wey.. jangan kejar pangkat and RM je. Yes, money is important, but it's not everything. Yang penting rezeki tu halal. Memang la kerja makan haji tu secara lahirnya halal. Tapi kalau kerja yang dipertanggungjawabkan tu tak dijalankan, dok tai-chi lat orang, dok ngelat, mana letaknya halal haji yang diterima tiap2 bulan tu??? Takyah bangga la dengan pangkat. Dia yang bagi.. anytime Dia boleh ambil balik.

Hisy.. blogger ni pun.. What's with the auto correct?? Sigh! Malas la nak layan auto correct ni. Better retire to bed. Early morning tmrw. Soccer mom, here we go (for the next couple of months!!) :D