Light at the end of a week of misery
Today was such an eventful day. Alhamdulillah. Something to lift up my spirits after such a misery-filled week.
Last week, got home late from work 4 out of 5 days. If i was getting paid like you people in the private sector, maybe i won't complaint much. But, seriously, i don't think i'm paid enough to take this crap. I had to take my daughter to the office, get out of office at around 8, feed her takeouts (READ: junk! and i bloody hate it!), put her to bed later than her bed time (nearly 10pm when her bedtime's supposed to be before 9.30) and wake her up as usual (6.45am) the next morning. If i'm not married yet, i probably won't mind staying late at the office, but now, i've other commitments, i can't afford to go back late. What more with my husband being away, and i'm without a maid, i really can't handle it and it stresses me out so much!
My boss is good at her job. She's resourceful and guides. But, she also shouts a lot, impatient and will shout at you in meetings! She also expects everybody to be a workaholic like her (yes, that's what i think she is, a workaholic). We get off for lunch at around 1.20 pm (at least for me), and finish by 2. She tells me that i go back early when i get back at 5.30 pm. Like duh!~ It stresses me out because it doesn't just affect me, it affects my little girl as well. And i truly farking hate it! What makes it worse, i can't muster up the courage to actually confront her and talk about it. Last time she yelled at one of the office boys for not waiting up until she finishes a meeting (the meeting ended way after office hours). That office boy had to pick up the kids from school etc. The way she said it was like, she don't wanna know about his problems, he's gotta find a way around it. That incident heightens my hesitation to confront her. But last week, i really broke down. Hubby's away, i had no one to talk to (no, i don't feel comfortable discussing my woes with colleagues, and i hardly have any friends here, in my hometown. pathetic, i know). So yeah, it was one hell of a week, literally.
So today, i woke up early, sarah was up early and we went to putrajaya yet again, to go and see the hot air balloons. There's this hot air balloon carnival going on since thursday. The fancy hot air balloons shaped in darth vader, a pair of jeans and other interesting stuffs are only up really early in the morning, when the air is cool. After 9, only the smaller, basic hot air balloons operates, and yes, you can have a ride in it for 10 bucks a ride. But, when i got there at 8.45, the parking was scarce, and the the tickets for the morning session had sold out.
Anyways, we strolled along the lake banks and enjoyed the view of floating hot air balloons. We did get close to the field where the hot air balloons were. Yang kelakarnya, i asked this guy with a fancy camera to take a photo of me and sarah with the balloons in the background. Mamat tu boleh tak reti amek gambar pakai phone camera?? ye lah, dia dah biasa pakai camera canggih. Huhu. Dok dia fumbling with my camera phone, his other photographer buddies came by and shot our photos with their cameras. Rasa macam selebriti pulak sekajap. tiba-tiba ramaipulak photographer amek gambar i kan. Hehe. Anak i lagi la celeb. Ada aje orang nak amek gambar dia, walaupun comot. Huhu..
We left around 11, lepak pulak at the boat club. Terserempak pulak with my sec gen and his wife. He went in to have his brunch kot, and i just spent some time alone with my kiddo, making up for lost time over the week, and after a while she said that she was hungry and wanted to eat. Mula2, aku nak tunggu in laws yang tengah attend club's AGM kat situ. Dah anak aku bising duduk makan, aku masuk la cafe club tu, ordered drinks je dulu. My sec gen, when he was paying for his meal, paid for our drinks as well. Isk.. malu sikit2, tapi macam best jugak. Hahaha...
After mak n bapak habis AGM, we joined then upstairs where they served lunch for the AGM's attendees. Tan Sri Sam pun ada, club president kan. Apparently dia super junior bapak kat rmc dulu. Before dia balik dia dukung sarah. Sarah punya la jerit, padahal masa duduk lunch tu, dia la paling bising kat situ. Penat suruh dia speak softly.
Itu la dia, post panjang tentang hari ini. Not that i have much time to post anymore la kan. Ok.. must get back to work. Have an emcee text to finish. Ada event selasa ni. Aku la planner, aku la floor manager, aku la emcee, aku la penceramah... ye.. aku sorang je makhluk kat bahagian tu (padahal, bukan unit aku punya kerja pun patutnya).... sigh!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Little Hopes
Hmmm.. dalam keadaan aku sekarang, i look forward to even the smallest things that can give some kind of hope of cheering me up, even if just a little tiny bit.
Last weekend, jumpa seorang yang gladly nak give me and MIL piano lessons. The way he describes it, more pratical than theory. Which is good, considering i know almost peanuts about music notes. His approach, bukan untuk pergi exam, but to perform. Exactly my goal. He's gonna call back as soon as he can squeeze in some time in his schedule to tutor us. A tiny streak of happiness for me. :)
Tadi, i finally popped into GNC and purchased a halal certified protein shake, and became GNC member. No, i'm not going to replace all my meals with the shake. It's for those night when i don't have the time to cook anything. I've always wanted to get a protein shake, tapi takut tak halal kalau guna yang whey based shakes. So, i finally got my hands on a veggie based protein shake. Now, the next challenge is to actually consume it. Hah!
Two weekends ago, got invited to this birthday party. The area was strictly guarded, and the neighbourhood's so serene, me and hubby loved it so much. Hmm.. mahal la tapi kalau nak beli rumah kat situ. Monthly maintenance fee pun 300, tapi worth it kot, considering they get good guards. Satu lagi yang tak best, lease hold. Hmmmm... Tapi, kalau that area can develop to be next bangsar ke, people doesn't mind kalau lease hold pun. How much? The lowest 700k. Hmm.. sah aku tak mampu. Sigh!~ Drool je la. Rumah yang aku berkenan kat situ, 1.2m. Memang best la, 2.5 storey, outdoor shower, lap pool. Memang perhhhhh... kalau banyak duit, memang aku punya la sebijik. Masalahnya duit takde kan? So, berangan je la.
Okla.. gotta continue with work, on a sunday night. Black, terrifying monday tomorrow. *Long sigh*
Hmmm.. dalam keadaan aku sekarang, i look forward to even the smallest things that can give some kind of hope of cheering me up, even if just a little tiny bit.
Last weekend, jumpa seorang yang gladly nak give me and MIL piano lessons. The way he describes it, more pratical than theory. Which is good, considering i know almost peanuts about music notes. His approach, bukan untuk pergi exam, but to perform. Exactly my goal. He's gonna call back as soon as he can squeeze in some time in his schedule to tutor us. A tiny streak of happiness for me. :)
Tadi, i finally popped into GNC and purchased a halal certified protein shake, and became GNC member. No, i'm not going to replace all my meals with the shake. It's for those night when i don't have the time to cook anything. I've always wanted to get a protein shake, tapi takut tak halal kalau guna yang whey based shakes. So, i finally got my hands on a veggie based protein shake. Now, the next challenge is to actually consume it. Hah!
Two weekends ago, got invited to this birthday party. The area was strictly guarded, and the neighbourhood's so serene, me and hubby loved it so much. Hmm.. mahal la tapi kalau nak beli rumah kat situ. Monthly maintenance fee pun 300, tapi worth it kot, considering they get good guards. Satu lagi yang tak best, lease hold. Hmmmm... Tapi, kalau that area can develop to be next bangsar ke, people doesn't mind kalau lease hold pun. How much? The lowest 700k. Hmm.. sah aku tak mampu. Sigh!~ Drool je la. Rumah yang aku berkenan kat situ, 1.2m. Memang best la, 2.5 storey, outdoor shower, lap pool. Memang perhhhhh... kalau banyak duit, memang aku punya la sebijik. Masalahnya duit takde kan? So, berangan je la.
Okla.. gotta continue with work, on a sunday night. Black, terrifying monday tomorrow. *Long sigh*
Saturday, March 13, 2010
STRESS!!!!!!
My job is driving me up the wall!!... at the same time, it gives me some kind of fulfillment..sometimes. Most of the time it's just plain stressful!!
Entah. AKu pun tak tau, aku lebih stress sebab kerja atau aku stress sebab aku tak ada siapa yang ada untuk dengar cerita aku. Huhu. Pathetic sungguh. Entah la. Susah. Colleagues are colleagues. However close you are with them, they are just not your friends. Well, at least that applies for me. We can share certain things, but they're not the kind of people that you can really open up to. One can't be too cautious.
Kenapa yang aku jadik stress sangat? Sigh. Aku banyak kerja sangat, sampai pergi toilet pun tergesa-gesa! Bukan sekali-sekala. Boleh dikatakan hari-hari. Dulu, i can manage to go back paling lewat pun 5.45. Sekarang, aku kena give up masuk pukul 8, sebab nak siap2 anak aku kat rumah dulu. Aku masuk 8.30, tapi biasanya sebelum 8.05 aku dah sampai ofis. BY 8.30 kerjaaaaaaa sampai balik. Lunch break 1.30 sampai pukul 2. Apesal aku bz sangat, sedangkan sorang lagi kpp relaks je? Balik on time? Just because aku jaga pembangunan, semua benda aku? I know life is not fair. But this is just plain crap.
Apa yang lebih menambahkan stress aku, bos aku sorang yg memilih untuk mengajar subordinates dia the hard way. By that, i mean by marah2, tengking2, nag, tinggi suara dan segala beda yang sewaktu dengannya. I mean, here i am doing the best i can, balik rumah pun sambung kerja sampai midnight, nak jerit2 gak lagi. Aku tension. It's not that i'm not trying. I am. In fact, i think i'm trying harder than some other people in the office. Tak boleh ke dia at least cut me some slack? I've got a lot on my plate. Segala benda aku. Aku tak sure la whether aku yang tak reti delegate kerja ke or apa. Bila aku suruh subordinate aku buat benda, dia kata aku pass down things to my officers. Sampaikan ppt presentation pun aku kena buat, speech pun aku. Masa aku 41 n 44 pun, aku jugak yang buat. Aku jadi tension sebab she expects me to do everything. I'm not expecting to boss around people. Tapi, i do expect to delegate some things down to my subs.
Pastu, konon tak bagi aku balik awal. Awal hangguk dia. Aku balik paling awal pun 5.45. Kalau aku kuar pukul 3 ke pukul 4, boleh la kata awal. Dia expect aku stay back macam aku ni anak dara. Konon masa meeting, cakap, you don't have to show me that you're doing work by staying back. Poodah. So, aku amek anak aku, bawak datang ofis. Balik pukul 7. Balik rumah gocoh2 nak siapkan anak, dinner lagi. Nak bagi anak tidur by 9.30. Lepas tu sambung kerja lagi. The next day, more and more crap.
Aku tak nafi, my boss is good at doing her job. Tapi, as human, i can only take so much before i breakdown. Dia bagi tau orang konon i'm a good officer. Yes, i think i deserve that, tapi i can't take much any longer. If she keeps demotivating people, sooner or later, people WILL get demotivated and her shoutings won't mean a thing anymore.
My strength and patience is waning day by day. Aku harap Dan cepat2 dapat kerja di Qatar so that aku boleh ikut dia ke sana. If he decides not to leave, aku nak cuti belajar.. Sementara tu, entah berapa lama lagi aku boleh bertahan macam ni.
Off, doing work.
My job is driving me up the wall!!... at the same time, it gives me some kind of fulfillment..sometimes. Most of the time it's just plain stressful!!
Entah. AKu pun tak tau, aku lebih stress sebab kerja atau aku stress sebab aku tak ada siapa yang ada untuk dengar cerita aku. Huhu. Pathetic sungguh. Entah la. Susah. Colleagues are colleagues. However close you are with them, they are just not your friends. Well, at least that applies for me. We can share certain things, but they're not the kind of people that you can really open up to. One can't be too cautious.
Kenapa yang aku jadik stress sangat? Sigh. Aku banyak kerja sangat, sampai pergi toilet pun tergesa-gesa! Bukan sekali-sekala. Boleh dikatakan hari-hari. Dulu, i can manage to go back paling lewat pun 5.45. Sekarang, aku kena give up masuk pukul 8, sebab nak siap2 anak aku kat rumah dulu. Aku masuk 8.30, tapi biasanya sebelum 8.05 aku dah sampai ofis. BY 8.30 kerjaaaaaaa sampai balik. Lunch break 1.30 sampai pukul 2. Apesal aku bz sangat, sedangkan sorang lagi kpp relaks je? Balik on time? Just because aku jaga pembangunan, semua benda aku? I know life is not fair. But this is just plain crap.
Apa yang lebih menambahkan stress aku, bos aku sorang yg memilih untuk mengajar subordinates dia the hard way. By that, i mean by marah2, tengking2, nag, tinggi suara dan segala beda yang sewaktu dengannya. I mean, here i am doing the best i can, balik rumah pun sambung kerja sampai midnight, nak jerit2 gak lagi. Aku tension. It's not that i'm not trying. I am. In fact, i think i'm trying harder than some other people in the office. Tak boleh ke dia at least cut me some slack? I've got a lot on my plate. Segala benda aku. Aku tak sure la whether aku yang tak reti delegate kerja ke or apa. Bila aku suruh subordinate aku buat benda, dia kata aku pass down things to my officers. Sampaikan ppt presentation pun aku kena buat, speech pun aku. Masa aku 41 n 44 pun, aku jugak yang buat. Aku jadi tension sebab she expects me to do everything. I'm not expecting to boss around people. Tapi, i do expect to delegate some things down to my subs.
Pastu, konon tak bagi aku balik awal. Awal hangguk dia. Aku balik paling awal pun 5.45. Kalau aku kuar pukul 3 ke pukul 4, boleh la kata awal. Dia expect aku stay back macam aku ni anak dara. Konon masa meeting, cakap, you don't have to show me that you're doing work by staying back. Poodah. So, aku amek anak aku, bawak datang ofis. Balik pukul 7. Balik rumah gocoh2 nak siapkan anak, dinner lagi. Nak bagi anak tidur by 9.30. Lepas tu sambung kerja lagi. The next day, more and more crap.
Aku tak nafi, my boss is good at doing her job. Tapi, as human, i can only take so much before i breakdown. Dia bagi tau orang konon i'm a good officer. Yes, i think i deserve that, tapi i can't take much any longer. If she keeps demotivating people, sooner or later, people WILL get demotivated and her shoutings won't mean a thing anymore.
My strength and patience is waning day by day. Aku harap Dan cepat2 dapat kerja di Qatar so that aku boleh ikut dia ke sana. If he decides not to leave, aku nak cuti belajar.. Sementara tu, entah berapa lama lagi aku boleh bertahan macam ni.
Off, doing work.
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