How time just flies... whether you're having fun.. or not. Its already Friday... like Wow.. three days had passed just like that. I'm still trying to figure out how to get this mps 6.0 running, still trying to figure out why error messages still exists in my cmd window even when i'd already pointed my environment variables to their correspoding values, still trying to download java 1.4 (long aint it?? i knowwww!!!!...), still trying to convince myself that everything will work as planned... and still finding answers to my very own questions... on life, on people, on faith...

Tuesday, i was a fascillitator for an SPM workshop carried out by SM Sultan Ahmad Tajuddin, Bandar Baharu, Kedah with association of the Sch. of EE Club. THe workshop was held at DK 6 here, started at around 0830 til 1830+. I was given the opportunity to fascillitate a group of 5th Formers of SMSAT consisiting of 8 girls and 2 boys, all of which from humanity classes. Let see if i recall all of them: Akmar, Aisyah, Yun, Shikin, Ayu, Atie, Wan, Ridhuan, Yanie and Ira. Yup... got all their names... and hopefully i can still remember their faces. :) Susah org byk makan semut nih. :p Anyway, at the end of the programme, i gave them my email and contact number so that they can call or email me if they need any help... and well.. all i can say is that i'm overwhelmed by their response. I got some calls, sms and emails asking how i was, if i remembered them.. and one said that what i had said that day had left a mark.... Whoaaa... feel rather guilty towards myself though.. hehe.. Why? Cakap macam bagus2 je.... the truth.. only God knows. Oh yeah... and i'd been getting prank SMSes too. Wonder whom it can be... must be one of the kids..tapi tak nak mengaku. :p

Last night, it was Kelas Agama at Tmn Brown and we proceeded discussing about tauhid and fekah. Last night, abg harun (the one who conducted the class - he doesnt want anyone to refer him as a guru) revealed that he'd studied in the U.S once. He didnt say it in a boasting way or anything... he merely mentioned it when he was telling us a story... and we became like... WOW! Why? Because.... not everyone who got an eduation abroad cares to study up all these kitab2 (some might not even know that these kitab2 exists!) and has the ability to conduct an agama class based on the kitab2. Memang salute gila2... dah la down to earth... bagusnya....

Oklaa... i'm going off to Nura's this afternoon. Oh.. btw, i was awoken (does this word even exist?) by Dan's mom this morning (but of course i didnt tell her that i'd just woke up! Duh!~). She said that she's going off to Padang with some of her relatives this afternoon and she asked whether i prefer kain for baju kurung or kebaya. :) Rasa macam.. hmm... terharunya... she thinks of getting something for me wherever she goes!! Alhamdulillah... thank God for blessing me with a great mom-in-law to be!!! :D

Have a great weekend!

- I Dont Wanna Cry, M.Carey -

Hmm... its monday again. Two weeks of trying to download the dreaded Java 1.4 SDK. For God's sakes... why is it so difficult?? I'd installed the JRE and its supposed to work fine but somehow, i got error messages when i tried to run the startup.bat file in the cmd window. Boy.. that sounded like sth i'd write to a java forum.. Sheeshhh. :p

Ok.. as everyone would've guessed (I think).. i did go to Penang to meet up with Dan. And thank God, everything seemed to be fine.. though i kinda felt a little awkward at the beginning.. but things went quite well. Just wished that we could stay there longer. Oh yeah.. did i mention that there was a really heavy downpour in penang that day that i had to get an umbrella?.. Hmm.. the lengths that people go for love.. hahhaa.. *winks*

-How deep Is Your Love, Bee Gees-

After the date with Dan, i went back to Nura's... One of her mom's friend was also there, helping out preparing for the hantaran stuffs. It is confirmed that Nura's wedding will be brought forward to an earlier date, January... and everyone, myself included are very well caught up in the excitement of the preparation of Nura's big day. Plus... we (nura n I) are putting ourselves on diet. Why ? Well.. Nura - because she wants to look her best on her wedding day.. of course! Who wouldnt? Me - accompanying Nura and well.. to shed as much pounds as i can before Raya. :)

-Crazy In Love, Beyonce feat. Jay Z-

So, last weekend, i accompanied Nura and her parents to get stuffs for the wedding... soaps (to be shredded as buah tgn), sweets, containers, ribbons.. bla.. bla.... you know.. all those nice trimmings people use for hantaran and stuffs. Sunday, we went to S.Petani to meet up with one of her cuzs who works in a Bridal House to see wedding apparels and stuffs... alahai.. best nya! Hmm.. cant wait for my turn to come. :) heheh...

-The Wreckoning, Boomkats-

Saw sth on NGEO this morning after sahur. Hmm.. Foot Binding by the chinese women. It is done on girls as young as 5 years of age and is done by binding the feet with a long piece of cloth (sth like a bandage). Foot binding causes the bones in the feet to get crushed and the structure of the feet becomes somewhat distorted, thus making the toe pointed. It is said that foot binding doesnt only beautify a women.. it also intensifies the sex provided by that women.. as it is said that foot binding causes the vagina to get tighter. Huh?? yeah right! Since when did someone's vagina gets linked to the size of her feet??!! Puh-leeze! Walking to the foot-binded becomes impossible.. unless the feet is wrapped in some binding cloths and covered by a few layers of socks before putting on the dainty, pointed toed, embroidered shoe. Sometimes its just so absurd how some people define beauty. But to me, if beauty means having to endure such extreme pain and discomfort... well... i should think that i'd rather be ugly.

-On Bended Knees, Boyz II Men-

Arghhh.. better get on with my java. Gosh.. this project is so much like a growing, malignant tumour. It haunts you everywhere you go, whatever you do... And it doesnt stop until YOU put a STOP to it. Either you finish it and get it over and done with... or you die with it. :p Should i change my research topic???

Hmmm... not a very good day for me today. Not as cheerful as my usual self. I dunno. Probably i'm in one of those days of feeling uncertain, sad, insecure, crappy... everything jumbled up all at once. Arghhh.. hate it when i get like this.

Talked to Dan as usual last night. I dunno why but i was kinda stung by his joke yesterday. Probably i was being a little too sensitive.. i dunno.. but it made me feel insecure and a little self conscious about myself... I feel terrible. He didnt say anything mean but somehow his words kinda hurt. He apologized profusely, saying that he loves me just the way i am but i cant help thinking.. does he really? Maybe its just me.. but i just cant help feeling that way. Crappy...

If last sunday I'd been so eager to go to Penang to meet him this coming Friday, now i dont feel as eager. I dunno.. see la what happens. If i think by meeting him i'll only make matters worse for the both of us.. i'd rather not go. Better that than regretting the whole meeting upon returning right?

Still trying to get rid of this uneasiness.....

What Is A Boy..?

Between the innocence of childhood and the dignity of manhood
we find a delightful creature called a boy.
Boys come in assorted sizes, weights and colors, but all boys are the same.
Boys are found everywhere ...
on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to.

Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older brothers and sisters tolerate them, adults ignore them and Heaven protects them.

A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the hope of the future with a frog in its pocket.

When you want him to make a good impression, his brain turns to jelly, or else he becomes a savage, sadistic jungle creature bent on destroying the world.

A boy is a composite ... he has the appetite of a horse, the digestion of a sword swallower, the energy of an atom bomb, the curiosity of a cat, the lungs of a dictator, the shyness of a violet and when he makes something, he has five thumbs on each hand.

A boy is a magical creature ... you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart. Might as well give up ... he is your captor, your jailer, your boss and your master ... a freckled face, pint size, cat chasing bundle of noise.

But when you come home at night with only the shattered pieces of your hopes and dreams, he can mend them like new with the two magic words, "HI, DAD!"
...Author Unknown

*Aiza.. ring a bell???*

I was kinda bored and browsed thru the net. Just out of the blue, i searched for the poem What Is A Boy. :) This poem was recited by my English Class (2S of 1994) and won the 1994 Inter-class Choral Speaking competition, but i cant really remember the category.. its either junior or intermediate. Hmm.. the good old days. I just love it when it comes to choral speaking. It means english classes are turned into choral speaking practices! Real fun. That year, we had Sujatha as our instructor and she taught us on the V.E.P of choral speaking - Voice, Expression and Pronunciation. The three major elements that makes a choral speaking worth hearing or not. This poem still brings the sweet memories of endless days of practising, saying things loud and clear, pronouncing each and everyword... God.... its so nice to be a school kid! Every stage of the competition was thrilling to us... especially when we got into finals and actually won! We had to fight against a more senior class and we didnt really expect to win.. and yet, we did!! It was sooooo FUNtastic! The best part of choral speaking was when our school became the host for the Inter School Choral Speaking competition and students from all around town will come by to our school and we'll have a blast of a good time gazing longingly at any good looking guys form the other schools. Usually the main attractions would be the boys form V.I, RMC and St. John's Inst. Hehehe.. well.. that is what usually happens in an all-gals school. Whaddya expect???

Hmmm... sometimes its kinda sad you know. Most people still have their school building firmly attached to the ground, whereby the can look at it or visit the school, reminiscing the good old times and reliving the spirit and memories. As for myself... My school had been torn down to make way for development... All i have is those few piccies i had from my schoolyears and the spirit of a BBGSian still burning deep inside me. ".. add a 100 more, my heart will still belong, Within these cherished walls..."

Aaaaahhhh.. finally... the relieve of completing a given task. :D Completed marking the papers for Dr Rizal... after like a week or two of contemplating on how to actually do it... plus a serie of procrastinating. Hmmm... wonder how lecturerers get by marking exam papers.. Waw.. hebat..hebat..

Nothing much to blog these days. Last Sunday, went to the main campus to help out with Test Umum. Got a few places going a little black and blue... kena belasah.. adeii... hmm... nasibla.. kena jadi tester. Later that night, another round of "belasah" here in campus... adei... Adding to that, went to aerobics session with Ooi yesterday... Oh god... my muscles aches!! Especially the derriere muscles... Its alright though. If pain is the price to pay to get a yummy bootilicious bod... well... i think i can endure a certain extent of pain. Gotta work out, work out and work out (plus eat less, eat less, eat less! heheh.)

Looking forward to Friday coz Dan will be in penang on Friday. He was supposed to be there in Saturday initially, but then today, a change of plan. Hmmm.. what to do. Hafta bear with that la. Can never plan something coz we just dont know what will come up. :p Dan's supposed to have his blood drawn today, some follow up regarding his last few months' suspected SARS thingy. Poor baby. His mom is also in hospital now. She experienced bouts of stomach ache and the pain became unbearable yesterday that she went to the hospital and got admitted. The doctor also reported her having high blood pressure. Hmm.. Kesian aunty. She must be really stressed out and upset by Abg Jib's move to Miri. She misses Almas too much. Hmmm... Too bad i cant give her another grandchild anytime soon. hehhe :p.

Okla... better continue on project. Bought the installer cd for java. Hopefully the installation will work this time. Btw... if anyone knows anything at all about pilates, please leave a note. I'd like to know more about the workout. Chiao!

The postgrad's room... mostly everyone is confined in their own tiny cubicle.... The pc as our live support mechanism.. ? Sheesssh.. what a life. :p

Quite a non happening day today. Alqas and zeno are in KL now i suppose, bidding farewell to K. Dilla who's leaving tmrw. Satria n myself, we just collected the digital piccies we'd sent for printing.. The printing quality.. hmm.. lets just say that we got what we paid for.. cant really expect much from a printing worth of 60 sen per piece right? Nevertheless... the people at the shop screwed up... There're pics that were printed excessively.. we've got like 3-4 extra copies of the same pics... and there're pics which they didnt even print at all which we'd stated that we wanted 'em to be printed. Hmm. hate it when people screw up like that.

Adei.. lapaq la....

I'm still waiting for the installation to be completed while letting my mind wander..... Sometimes, as i sat by myself, i cant stop wondering if i am a good friend to my friends... or am i a good person to the people who knows me.. or if i'm a bitch to them. Well.... undoubtedly, nobody's perfect.. but that's not a reason as to why people can be nice to other people, right, myself included. Sometimes you just can help but to bitch about other people... maybe we're just not emphatic enough. We dont try to put our feet in other's shoes... maybe... isk... entahla... too many things clouding my mind sometimes...

Hafta get going.. balik for lunch.... S T A R V I N G !!

Hmm... still unable to install my Java Std Edition SDK v1.4.2. For heaven's sakes! It'd been what.. 2-3 days trying to install the thing?? Now i'm trying to download an older version of it, the v1.4.1 but heck.. the server's too damn slow!! Waarrghhhh... !!! Geram! Adding fuel to the flaming fury, Dan's flight to penang tmrw had been cancelled... chehh.. just when i thought of catching a movie with him. Darn!! Hmm.. too bad... looks like i'll be stuck in this lab again tomorrow. heheh.. mengada... dah berhari2 "cuti" pun nak tuang lagik.. :p

Anyway... had my "wild" getaway on thursday. 'Twas really something i didnt know that i'm capable of doing. hehhe.. well.. not to say that the thought of it didnt cross my mind.. it did... but it just didnt quite occur to me that i'd actually do it. Hahahha.. now that i have.. i might do it more often. :) Hahahha.. yeah rite. What is it? Hehehe... thats for me to know... and well... certainly NOT for you to find out. :) (hey.. dont give me that look.. its nothing close to doing something illegal okay.. duh!~)

Friday nite, i'm at Nura's.. and later we went to her uncle's to help out with K.Za's wedding preps... Everything seemed to be in order, but somehow not everything is perfect. Entahla... susah nak cakap. Rezeki masing2. But the obvious is that the Almighty is fair. He takes something and replaces it with something much, much better. The only problem is that.. we dont know that... not until the time has come. So we start blaming fate on all the shortcomings of our lives... when actually what'd happened to us is only something minor, like the tip of an iceberg. The rest of the iceberg would only be revealed at the right place, at the right time when we're ready for it. And who knows what's best for us other than our sole creator?

Its so overwhelming to see K.Za on her wedding reception in Tapah (her in-laws'). Everything was so perfect. She was as pretty as a doll. From what i saw, i can tell that Abg Azril is a very caring person, a romantic and i'm sure that he'll make a good husband for K.Za. She's so lucky to have him.. and to have such a warm and welcoming in-laws. Hmm.. i hope mine would be too. Tapi.. so far... everything is going well for me, Alhamdulillah.... :) The only question now is... when will my time come?? Hehehe... Its not that i'm impatient.. (well maybe a little) but as i attended the wedding, i get a little caught up with the hype and got pretty excited about the whole wedding thingy. But... thinking about it... hmm.. i might be ready for the reception (oh hell yeah.. i can do with all the attention, the pampering, the clothes-fitting, the make-up....) but looking at the big picture of a marriage... am i really ready for that??? All the early mornings, ironing (thats a lot of uniform ironing for you missy!), washing, cooking, baby-bearing (me? yikes!!).... oh boy.... HALT!!! hmm.. maybe not just yet. I'd better live up to my singlehood all i can as long as i still have it. I dont wanna even hear myself breathe "I wish i'm still single" when I'm already Dan's wife. So, as for now... its PAARRRTTTTYYYYY.!!! Yeah... lets get groovy baby!

Hehhee... ahh hell... there's one teeny weeny thing missing there.... like my project? Oh damn it.. you just have to come in the way dont you.... Warrgghh.... I'll get you you dirty rascal you.... I'll be done with you as soon as i can coz i'm sick of having to put up with you and i dont wanna spend my youth trying to figure out what works and what doesnt and this to install and what to download.... Arghhh.. i really cant wait to be done with you.. my dreaded project! So.. i'd better stop complaining and look at the installation progress.. awww bommer! :p

Not such in a good mood today. The day started great... but somehow, somewhere along the way, i get influenced by another's mood. Maybe its just me.. but i cant help feeling some kind of 'distance' in some things.. and in some ways.... a little upset by that.. and the fact that the Java just wont istall doesnt make me feel any better. All in all... the day sucks.... except for that few hours going out for lunch with azeno, alqas, satria and diyana... that made me feel better. Put me off my gloomy mood for a bit. But problems just wont fade away so easily... not until you gather your guts and face it, deal with it and finally put an end to it.... Guts... you actually have them.. but somehow at some point, they tend to hide somewhere. :p

My master's project is still an abstract idea... after 7 months of being in campus, spending USM's money. Nothing much can be instanced - a concrete example of an abstract idea ("XML Web Documents from Scratch"; Liberty J. and Kraley M.;QUE Corp.) which makes me more stressed out than ever. Everything bout the project is murky...a total blur... even the title. A supposedly "grand" project... but very poorly organized... Thanks to non other than c'est moi. I need to do something with myself... need to buck up!

Better get going.

Huuaaaarrggghhhh.... whoaaa.. that's a really long break aint that? havent taken such a long break since oct last year. Spent the 4 days of last week at home... well.. plus minus four days la, taking into account my travelling hours. Went out with aiza on Wednesday and watched Bad Boys 2 at KLCC... the show was terrific. Seriously good value for money. Worth the 6 bucks. Then on Thursday... i'm already back here.. got back later than i was supposed to coz the f**** bus got delayed and as a result, i couldnt join the class in Tmn Brown. Totally annoyed.. but then, i came to realize.. takde rezeki.. nak buat camne??? Be mad at God?? Of course not right.... :)

Friday.. went to penang in the afternoon to complete the diving course by sitting for the theory test. Prior to that, we had 2 hours of confined water finning practice. Total bore la kan.. too bored to even count the tiles... hehe.. Oh yeah... then luckily Roy came and practiced some techniques with us. So.. tadekla boring sgt. Balik to Alqas's tok's hse, penat gile... slept til the nest day.. the very much awaited Payar trip. :D

Payar trip was really awesome... many things to say... but not now.. soon, perhaps. Now.. not really in a writing mood you know.

Anyway... got back from payar on sunday, spent monday in penang. Went to watch Pirates of the Carribean. hehhe.. We were really lucky. Just a few hours before that, the whole state and 4 other states in Msia xperienced electricity failure... Nasib baik it recovered in time. :) The movie was really good... with Johny Depp being so damn cute... as well as Orlando Bloom... Dont mind watching it again, really. Later that night, Alqas's aprents took us out for dinner at the Kapitan's Restaurant in Chulia St. Had a wholesome naan tandoori which was really yummy. Many thanks to alqas's parents. :)

Okla... better get going. I'd hafta walk home.. so takut tak sempat gi aerobics lak kang. Wonder y i cant seem to install java 2 std edition to my pc. Darn la... :p