Had a superb, splendid weekend with Dan in Penang, even though we had to stick to the vistana-kbj routine everyday... Well.. as the saying goes, if the companion is right, even the most dreary routine seems a blast. LOLs!

Right now, the only thing i can think of is the super-duper-deliciously-finger-licking-lip-smacking apricot pie that aunty rahmah sent to me through Dan. I could still feel it melt in my mouth... emmm.. yumm... nantilah, one day i'll learn how to make it from her and i'll make it for you fella frens when you guyz come over to my place.. hehe.. one day... :D Good news is... there's still more waiting for me at home! Aunty siap call lagi asked me to pick it up at her place... and she sed there's another container of the pie waiting for me.. YEAYYYY!!!

Dan will be on his flight back home this evening. If we're lucky enough, we might get to see each other again this saturday... and if we're even more lucky, he'd be based in penang again for another 2 weeks starting may 2nd for his Hong Kong-Penang flights. hehe.. suka!suka! End of next month, we're both expected to be in KL for his dad and my birthday lunch/dinner. I'm sooo not gonna be on diet then. :D

I'm going to Melaka on Sunday with my mom and bro for the Pjumpaan Ten. Pengajar Cekak and we're heading to PD straightafter. Zura called and she sed they're gonna rent apartments for the family get-together this time... and there'll be a pool there. Cool! :D No need to practice my swimming in the salty, not-so-clean sea!!

Okie... going off to Jawi golf club for a swim... chiao!

I wrote "Gonna Soak Up The Sun" upon my name in msn.... and it rained heavily... Talk about freaky.
Things usually happens when you least want them to happen... and it doesnt happen when you really, really want it to happen... the closest example: today's heavy downpour... Not that i'm complaining.. hehe.. rahmat Tuhan kan?

Suddenly i feel so agitated. Troubled emotionally... I'm currently having all sorts of feelings running wild inside me. Anger, sadness, excitement, hurt... everything rolled up and entwined.

I'm angry at Dan for the way our conversation went last night - he wasnt paying attention. He was watching tv. If he enjoys watching whatever it was on tv so much, he could've asked me to call him back or sth. I'd gladly hang up as soon as possible.
I'm sad for Aiza for the news that she'd broken to me last night... The news was sth that caught me by surprise, sth we didnt see coming... and i'm really sorry for her that it had gone this way.
I'm touched that Aunty Rahmah (Dan's mom) is making a generous portion of apricot pie for me upon hearing that i'll be going back to KL early May.
I'm excited that the weekend is drawing near and i'm gonna spend it with Dan in Penang.
Absurd eh? that i can feel anger and excitement over the same person at one time. Haha... I know exactly what had triggered all of these... none other than the dreaded Pre(Present and Post) Menstrual Symptom... or more familiarly known as the PMS.

Yep... we get it on a monthly basis... various symptoms applies to different individuals... pimples, mood swings, back ache, tenderness, headaches, stiffs joints, stomach ache, you name it... most of us had been through it... When it hits, we can only succumb. Even EPO, acclaimed for its property to relieve/avoid pre-menstrual symptoms barely works!
I'm gonna have to go through this phase for the couple of days or so now. So if you ppl happens to notice that i'm in a foul mood or getting teary eyed or sth.... please bear with me. Its not within my power to control my hormones. :p

Dan better call me up and give his undivided attention to me when we're talking to amend what he did last night!

Singning off.

Lolss... just back from blog visitting and had a good time view their posts.... kelakauuu!

Anywayss... i'm over the full-of-doubt state.. or so i think la... And i've found out what triggered it.. a feeling of inadequacy.. well.. that happens. One thing i've to constantly remond myself of : Inadequacy stems from unthankfulness... so.. belajar2 le bersyukur pompuan oi! :p (pompuan here refers to me alone okie.. jgn terasa lak!)

I had a really stupid, yet rather exciting dream last nite (or was it this morning after i failed to wake up for subuh..?)... Hehe.. funny.. must've think abt stuffs to much, and those stuffs are now deep in my subconciuos mind that i dream of 'em. Lolss... the dream was like so damn real (boy.. i wonder what it'd be like if it WAS real!) LOLss... gile babboon punya mimpi..
MORAL: jgn terlajak subuh & jgn tido lepas subuh. :p

Back again... how i wished i wouldnt hafta return. :( Bosan!

Nways... the break had been ok. Loads and loads of food... McD's fish dips, strawberry shake, rice, prawns, chicken, squids, nasi lemak, monterey chicken, mashed potato laden with oh-so-heavenly creamy gravy, peanut bread, black pepper chicken, cream of mushroom soup... and not forgetting the taste of bleu cheese i tried at Dan's parents.. a little too salty for my liking.. tapi boleh aa... if eaten with a cracker... on its own, i'll pass, thanks. Tmrw... cake at secret recipe.. Yeayyy!! Bestnya! Why on earth does the best foods are always fat laden and calorie packed and have the tendency to increase one's weight?? Kalau takde affect on weight boleh tak?? Hmm...

Somehow, all the variety of food stuffs i had failed to keep off this lingering "doubt" on my mind. Well.. its not actually doubt.. but it is some sort of uncertainty.. eh.. sama la tu kan? Tapi.. doubt might be too strong a word to describe my state of mind right now - a total mess of "what ifs" meshed into one complicated confusion web. Why do we doubt things? Why do we keep hearing this voice murmuring in our heads about all this uncertain stuffs? Blueekkk... tak best langsung!

...First cut is the deepest... and the knife that cuts the first time is the knife most remembered....
What a stupid thought. :p (stupid because its so true!.. and i hate that!)

Have you ever felt so tiny, so lack of confidence that you just shrink yourself in the corner where nobody could see you?

When windows of the past are opened, the ghosts of yesteryears haunts all over again... The fear of it overwhelms you, devouring you whole, consuming all your strengths and courage that you had developed over the years... And you falter, failing to understand what had gone wrong. Insecure to the innermost core...

And there you lie alone, until once again you hear the inner voice within telling you to start living life, embracing the promising future, and leave the past behind where it belongs... Easier said than done it might be, but nevertheless not impossible.

C'est la vie.

(p/s: i think i'm having a screw loose somewhere...)

Guess what... i lost my voice. Ahahahahaaaaa.... Pretty ironic. I was just thinking of having a good voice chat today. Daymmm! Anyway... as this is the first time in my life that i actually lose my voice, i think that its pretty funny. It doesnt annoy me or anything... I'd just laugh when i 'croak' when attempting to say sth... Hahaha...

Thought i was invincible of this loss of voice thingy coz i'd never got it before no matter how hysterical i screamed or sang or whatever.... heh... Now, with a knock on my head, i said to myself... "Mankind are never invincible of anything."

2 days to go before Dan returns... about 3 days to go before i meet him after 3 long weeks of being budak baik. :) Anyway... my supressed anger is now a passe. It just went off. Good.

Just downloaded this stuff from www.skype.com. Pretty cool.. it works! Its something like the netmeeting.. but i cant use the netmeeting from here because of the firewall thingy... but with skyper, VoIP is possible, even thru firewalls! The only drawback so far... no web-cam application... hmm... Maybe this thing is pretty new kot. Hopefully they will come up with that soon. :) Anyways.. i've dloaded it.. so frens, if you want the .exe file, kindly msg me. okie?

Currently having a voice conference with my Aviator.. hehe.. Tapi.. i kinda look like a weirdo coz i'm talking alone... heheh.. wateva. I'm sooo having fun (would be even funner if he has a mic too.. :p)

Okie.. chiao!

Supressing your sadness ignites anger..
Supressing your anger makes you numb..
Not only does it make you numb to all the negative feelings there is...
It makes you numb towards everything.. even the feeling of joy, contentment, love...

Sucks.. life's like that when you grow numb. :p

(I know it doesnt rhyme... its not even supposed to be a poem.. duh!~)