STRESS!!!!!!

My job is driving me up the wall!!... at the same time, it gives me some kind of fulfillment..sometimes. Most of the time it's just plain stressful!!

Entah. AKu pun tak tau, aku lebih stress sebab kerja atau aku stress sebab aku tak ada siapa yang ada untuk dengar cerita aku. Huhu. Pathetic sungguh. Entah la. Susah. Colleagues are colleagues. However close you are with them, they are just not your friends. Well, at least that applies for me. We can share certain things, but they're not the kind of people that you can really open up to. One can't be too cautious.

Kenapa yang aku jadik stress sangat? Sigh. Aku banyak kerja sangat, sampai pergi toilet pun tergesa-gesa! Bukan sekali-sekala. Boleh dikatakan hari-hari. Dulu, i can manage to go back paling lewat pun 5.45. Sekarang, aku kena give up masuk pukul 8, sebab nak siap2 anak aku kat rumah dulu. Aku masuk 8.30, tapi biasanya sebelum 8.05 aku dah sampai ofis. BY 8.30 kerjaaaaaaa sampai balik. Lunch break 1.30 sampai pukul 2. Apesal aku bz sangat, sedangkan sorang lagi kpp relaks je? Balik on time? Just because aku jaga pembangunan, semua benda aku? I know life is not fair. But this is just plain crap.

Apa yang lebih menambahkan stress aku, bos aku sorang yg memilih untuk mengajar subordinates dia the hard way. By that, i mean by marah2, tengking2, nag, tinggi suara dan segala beda yang sewaktu dengannya. I mean, here i am doing the best i can, balik rumah pun sambung kerja sampai midnight, nak jerit2 gak lagi. Aku tension. It's not that i'm not trying. I am. In fact, i think i'm trying harder than some other people in the office. Tak boleh ke dia at least cut me some slack? I've got a lot on my plate. Segala benda aku. Aku tak sure la whether aku yang tak reti delegate kerja ke or apa. Bila aku suruh subordinate aku buat benda, dia kata aku pass down things to my officers. Sampaikan ppt presentation pun aku kena buat, speech pun aku. Masa aku 41 n 44 pun, aku jugak yang buat. Aku jadi tension sebab she expects me to do everything. I'm not expecting to boss around people. Tapi, i do expect to delegate some things down to my subs.

Pastu, konon tak bagi aku balik awal. Awal hangguk dia. Aku balik paling awal pun 5.45. Kalau aku kuar pukul 3 ke pukul 4, boleh la kata awal. Dia expect aku stay back macam aku ni anak dara. Konon masa meeting, cakap, you don't have to show me that you're doing work by staying back. Poodah. So, aku amek anak aku, bawak datang ofis. Balik pukul 7. Balik rumah gocoh2 nak siapkan anak, dinner lagi. Nak bagi anak tidur by 9.30. Lepas tu sambung kerja lagi. The next day, more and more crap.

Aku tak nafi, my boss is good at doing her job. Tapi, as human, i can only take so much before i breakdown. Dia bagi tau orang konon i'm a good officer. Yes, i think i deserve that, tapi i can't take much any longer. If she keeps demotivating people, sooner or later, people WILL get demotivated and her shoutings won't mean a thing anymore.

My strength and patience is waning day by day. Aku harap Dan cepat2 dapat kerja di Qatar so that aku boleh ikut dia ke sana. If he decides not to leave, aku nak cuti belajar.. Sementara tu, entah berapa lama lagi aku boleh bertahan macam ni.

Off, doing work.