Going Green

Alhamdulillah, hari jumaat ni menyaksikan pertambahan kepada keluarga sebelah ibu yang sudah sedia besar. My cousin have safely delivered a baby just now. Baby girl. Alhamdulillah, semua selamat. early by 2 weeks kot, sebab due early august.

Anyways, i can't help but to feel a slight tinge of jealousy towards her. I guess that was how she felt about me when i gave birth 2 years ago. Although, my jealousy doesn't bring me to the point of wanting to avoid her or anything la, unlike what she did unto me and my daughter. She had only come to getting to know and somehow acknowledge the existence of my daughter after she got pregnant. She might not see it that way. She'd been avoiding the whole family since she'd gotten married anyway, but I could feel the thingamadoodle there, you know?

Anyways, getting back to my jealousy. Hmm.. i wish i could be in her shoes. Getting pregnant and giving birth all over again. Yep. My pregnancy had been a roller coaster of emotions, and i dread the time my obgyn was stitching my episiotomy site, but all that was well worth it when i held my baby in my arms, looking at her serene face, and watch her grow, day by day, listen to her laughs and giggles (not to mention her wails and whines), listen to her as she speaks her first word and progress with more vocabulary day after day. So, yeah, i wish and long for another baby. But, i understand that welcoming another human being isn't just a matter of longing and wanting. It comes along with a huge package of responsibility, readiness in terms of mental, physical, emotional, and one of the most important things, financial.

The world today is full of nasty people. Just look at the news we hear each day. Ahhh.. susah nak cakap. Seriously, thinking about all the bad things that are happening, i worry for the future of our children. Serba salah. Entahlah...

Apapun, ni semua rezeki Tuhan. Kalau Dia mahukan ianya terjadi, maka ia akan terjadi. Ya Allah, kurniakanlah aku kesabaran dan keimanan teguh kepadaMu. Jauhilah diri ini dari penyakit-penyakit hati. Cukuplah dengan apa yang telah Engkau kurniakan. Amin!~