Last night, someone pointed out what the roots of my current "internal turmoil" might be. It was rather difficult for me to actually accept that fact... but now it starts to sink in. Yeah.. i think you're right with your point yesterday.. My increasing emotional instability has everything to do with what had happened... as much as i'd hate to admit that.. but i think it's true... That was what had triggered all this pointless emotional breakdowns.

Until yesterday, i'd never realised that the person whom had started the chain reaction of my emotional instability had that much of an influence on me. Lets call this person A. I had known A for a few years and by time, we'd gotten really close to each other. I'm not a person who shows my TLC for a person openly. I think that by showing just how much I really care for a person makes me pretty vulnerable; vulnerable and transparent. I dont really like that idea. To me, vulnerability and transparency are signs of weakness and weaknesses can be manipulated by irresponsible individuals which will only cause heartaches on my side. I've grown pretty afraid of letting my true feelings show. I'd never in my life would want to admit that anyone could actually have quite a great influence on me and yesterday, when someone pointed out that A might be the cause of what i'm going through right now, i just broke down to tears. I know that it was true, the actions that A had taken recently affected me more that i'd imagined it would... and the realisation hurts. The hurt is even more emphasized knowing that both A and I will change, we'll never be the same persons we once were... not after the actions A had taken. As for myself, i've already felt myself changing... I wouldnt want to change. I want to be that same person A had known me for... but I dont think i can help it. I've anticipated that things would change so much that the anticipation alone is beginning to eat into my very core... and change me.

To Dan, i'm sorry that this phase that i'm going through right now affects you too. Lately, I'm not as affectionate as always, i know. I treated your calls rather nonchalantly, and sometimes up to a point of being bland. I'm trying my very best to get over this as soon as i possibly can. Thanks so much for giving me the love and support that is very much needed in crucial times like this.